Not about Me

What's that you say?  What's been marinating in my heart the past few weeks?  Well, since you asked, here it is. 

There is a truth that God is trying to pound into my heart.  It's already in my head.  I can recall it and say that it is true in my head.  But the past few weeks have been about letting it seep into my heart.  Here it is:  It's not about me.  This life is not about me. 

I think that every "good" Christian can agree with this truth.  We all know that ultimately life is not about us but about reflecting and bringing glory to God.  But do we live that way out of the conviction of our heart?  I know that I don't very often.

If I was serious about reflecting and glorifying God I would not be so serious about building my own kingdom.  I wouldn't be stuck so often in the "mine" minefield.  My money, my time, my space, my feelings, my heart.  Someone love me.  Someone give me some credit.  Someone tell me I'm doing a good job. 

This past week there have been opportunities for me to be frustrated, weary, a "squeaky wheel."  In these instances I have mostly given in to my flesh and whined away.  But at some point, usually after I'm done whining, God has been gracious to bring me back to the "it's not about the Kingdom of Emily" room and give me some perspective.  And in those moments I am humbled.  I stand in awe of his grace, that though I continually grab for my own credit, He graciously grants me his unending love and offer of reconciliation. 

I KNOW in my head that EVERY good and perfect gift comes from Him.  That every thing that I do that is truly good, selfless or wise comes from Him and is not a result of my naturally sinful state of being.  But my heart is still learning this truth.  I say something out of His wisdom, a friend is encouraged, and I grab for the credit.  But I'm learning that it's not about me.  I'm learning that He is jealous for the credit, not because He doesn't want me to flourish and thrive, but because that is what this earth is about, giving Him credit for His goodness, holiness, grace, wisdom.

I say these things, not because I have arrived, but because it is what He is teaching me, and I am learning.  The process is painfully slow, but I am learning.  

I read something this week that worded this truth a little differently, and I'll share it here.  It comes from a book called When People are Big and God is Small by Edward Welch.  The author is writing about how we humans seem to have all of these psychological "needs" that aren't really needs at all, not God given needs anyway.  We think that we need things because we are trying to be satisfied by making life about ourselves and our needs rather than Him and His kingdom.  I'll leave you with this quote that spoke to me.  May we be those who seek Him and His kingdom first. 

This explains why Christ is sometimes not enough for us.  If I stand before him as a cup waiting to be filled with psychological satisfaction, I will never feel quite full.  Why?  First because my lusts are boundless; by their very nature, they can't be filled.  Second, because Jesus does not intend to satisfy my selfish desires.  Instead, he intends to break the cup of psychological need (lusts), not fill it.