Expectations for Happiness

So many people talk to me about having an expectation that they should be happy.  Almost on a daily basis I hear something like, "I'm just not happy [in my marriage, in my job, with my position in life, etc]."  I think people are often shocked when they hear my response: I'm really not the biggest fan of "happy."  The current issue of Psychology today has a cover story about the usefulness of "negative" emotions, stating, "Negative emotions are not only crucial to our existence but also--ironically--to feeling good.  To live optimally in the world and endure its challenges, it's necessary to engage the full range of psychological states we've inherited as humans."  My own journeys through the minefields of feeling deeply unhappy have been shocking and discouraging.  I like feeling happy just as much as the next person.  But I've come to appreciate the range of emotions that we are designed to experience as humans, and I've become convinced that the relentless expectation and pursuit of "happy" can cause a person to take a quick, deep and unexpected nose-dive. 

And then there's the Bible.  This verse jumped out at me a few weeks ago, and I've come back to it several times since then:  

It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.  Psalm 119:71

Really, Psalmist??  It was GOOD for me to be afflicted?  I don't know how many of you have been afflicted, but I don't know that I always see it as good.  When I see it first hand or when I see it in the lives of those closest to me, the first word that comes to mind is rarely "good."  Affliction feels icky at best, devastating at worst, never good.  But there it is in black and white, in the Word of God, affliction=good.  And not just good for the sake of affliction, but good for the sake of causing a person to sit and cling to the Word.  I know that when I have handled hard times the best it has been with my Sword on my tongue and as the meditation of my heart.  That is when I can look back and say that it was good.  That is when I can say that, despite the affliction, I am at peace internally (see verse 165). 

So as we meditate on these truths, will you do something together with me?  As we begin this new year, as we resolve to be healthier, more organized, more in tune, less distracted, more engaged, more purposeful, may we not do this for the sake of happiness, but rather holiness.  May we be people of "great peace" because we are staid on the Word with our eyes fixed on the Author of life.  May we not join the overwhelming rush of culture that is so fixated on happiness that all it can find is misery at what it doesn't have.  May we be agents of change in that culture, examples of being able to be at peace in the midst of and despite great affliction.  May we be able to join the Psalmist in saying that it is good. 

7 Reasons Why Your Next Blog Should Include a Numbered List

We've all seen how the internets have been swept with an inordinate number of blogs beginning with catchy tag lines like, "15 Reasons Why Grainy Bread is the Best" and "37 Reasons You Should Never Meet Your Mother In Law for Coffee" and "74 Reasons Why You Should Drop Everything and Head to Sonic Immediately."  In the spirit of things, here are 7 reasons that you too should venture out and write a blog post with a number theme.

1. Everyone will read it.  Let's face it, those posts get WAAAAAY more views than a normal post about normal every day stuff.
2. They are very easy to write.  This fill in part is nonsense, and if you read most of the text on most of these lists, it doesn't even make any sense, so you can pretty much say whatever you want here.
3. You can start to make up ridiculous points by about the third number.  Even when your readers get the hint that this is happening, they will continue reading, because most people have the compulsion to finish reading a list.
4. You can add made up statistics to make them sound interesting.  Did you know that 87% of statistics are made up on the spot?
5. You can add random stock photos that don't mean anything, but readers will appreciate the break in the monotony.
   
6. You don't actually have to say anything meaningful, and the readers will read on.  Rather than those deep posts where you share some deep inner thoughts on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, people will read literally the entire list and walk away feeling none the wiser but accomplished for making it through your list.
7. You can just quit writing whenever you get sick of it, and then say that that list will have "7 Reasons Why..." or "7 Things That..."  Just don't make it too long.  We've all seen those ones that are like, "1001 pictures that will make you appreciate your Jr. High Photo," and at that point we are just like, "SERIOUSLY???"  But wait, you may want to click through a few of those, because, let's face it, we could all stand to feel a little better about our awkward years.

So I think you can all agree that these are 7 very compelling reasons to go write a blog with a numbered list.  It takes very little personal investment in time or emotional energy and your readers will eat it up.  And, go to coffee with your mother in law.    

Year in Review

It's been almost a year since my last post. 

What did I do this year?

Some of my ravenous readers may be saying, "Where, oh where have you been Emily?" 

A lot happened last year.  Not too much to keep me from blogging, but enough that I lost momentum.  Here are a few of the things.

A church launched.  

A new group of precious friends were made through said church.  Children's church.  Another trip to Africa.  

A couple of house moves.

I had the opportunity to write his verse, among others in the "guts" of my new room.

An office move.  A really broken down old car.  A new car.  

Nissan JUKE!

Training for a half marathon.  A half marathon getting cancelled due to weather.  Training for a second half marathon.  

Beautiful morning run along Trinity Trail

A trip to Virginia.  

Approximately three trips to the Fort Worth Zoo. 

A few football and baseball games and ballet recitals.  Some birthday parties.  An epic camping weekend.  The Texas State Fair.  SEVEN live musicals.  The Nutcracker Ballet.  MY FAMILY COMING TO ME FOR CHRISTMAS.  

Meeting the newest additions to friend's families.  Seeing a dear friend tie the knot and all the rekindled relationships at that wedding.  

Blessings.

As I look over the past year, the thing that truly stands out are the conversations that I have had with friends, and how blessed I have been by the grace, wisdom, encouragement, understanding, acceptance, and just plain 'ol Jesus with flesh on goodness.  

Some big things that I have learned this year:

1)  Accept no substitutes for true, godly, authentic community.  1 John 1:9 is a familiar verse.  If we confess, He is faithful and will forgive.  I noticed as I read this verse recently that, in context, this verse is about community.  Verse 7 talks about walking in the light (confession), and that if we do this we have fellowship with one another.  So then the confession in verse 9 is not only directed to confessing between yourself and God, but confession to fellow believers.  As I have fleshed this out in real time I have been so blessed by the response of my sisters with whom I have had the privilege to practice confession.  Forgiveness.  Not that they have the ultimate power or responsibility to forgive, but I have learned the reason that we confess to our Christian family is so that we can experience the forgiveness that God offers in the form of a sister or brother with skin on.  

2)  Confession does not equal repentance, and vice versa.

3)  In my book, as far as consitency in the Word goes, nothing beats a good 'ol fashioned checklist.  Maybe it is the obsessive compulsive part of my brain, but I have to keep up with that checklist, and the app on my phone has become my friend to propel me through the pages of my Old Testament.

4)  There are a lot of crazy, weird stories in the Old Testament.

5)  God told Joshua a lot of times to be strong and courageous.  I have begun to wonder if God told him that so many times because Joshua may have had the tendency to NOT be strong and courageous.  This is encouraging to me because I am someone who lets a lot of fear in to her heart.  And as I think about Joshua facing his enemies out of obedience to God, propelled by his charge to be strong and courageous despite the fear in his heart, it gives me courage to pursue obedience. 

6) The zoo is always better when there is a little chill in the air.

7)  There is NO SUBSTITUTE in life for a really good washer dryer set.  There is nothing on this earth like being able to wash, dry and fold 2 entire loads of laundry, towels and all, in 2.5 hours flat. 

So there you have it folks.  Year in review.  Still so many blessings ahead.  So many lessons to learn.  And in the mean time, here I am living an extremely full life.  Words are not full enough to express the gratitude in my heart.

Fort Worth Zoo

Did I mention that I love the zoo?  I love the zoo.  I love aquariums, zoos, wilderness parks, all of it.  Wildlife fascinates me, and the more I learn the more I am pointed towards aspects of God's character including creativity, humor, and intricacy.

Elephants!  My fav

New lions this year to add to the pride

Because I love the zoo, one of my favorite traditions in Fort Worth has become running the annual Fort Worth Zoo Run.  They have a "Party for the Planet"every year around Earth Day, which includes a run that benefits the zoo and other zoos around the country and the world.  The race actually starts off by a run THROUGH the zoo, which is a blast because all of the animals get very curious and excited about thousands of people pounding past their habitats in the early morning once a year and they do and say things to let the runners know that they are excited.  The portion of the race that goes through the zoo only lasts for about five minutes (if you run slow like me) and then you are stuck running the most intense hills in Fort Worth, but every year it has been worth it, and I'm looking forward to doing it again this April.

Even though these aren't hinds, I love watching them
because they always remind me of my all time favorite book,
Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.

One of the perks that you get as a runner is a free ticket to the zoo to be used any time that year.  Being the procrastinator that I am, I didn't get around to going until December (delayed gratification my friends).  I took the afternoon to go to the zoo by myself, which I hadn't planned on doing but it ended up feeling very peaceful and luxurious to this introvert.  The weather was BEAUTIFUL (can I just say thanks again to Texas for having extremely mild winters-my saving grace these past two years in particular).  The Fort Worth Zoo is ranked somewhere in the top five zoos in the country, and after visiting other zoos and then coming back to Ft. Worth, I can understand why.  It is just fabulous.  If you live nearby and haven't gone to the zoo yet, GO!  Now!

One interesting thing about this particular visit to the zoo was that this past summer one of the Asian rhino's at the zoo had a baby.  When I stopped by it's habitat that afternoon it was deserted of visitors because baby and mamma were fast asleep, and they were hidden at the back of the pen by rocks.  Well, because I was alone and it was such a gorgeous day, I took the luxury of waiting it out, and I was rewarded for my 40 minute delay.  First of all, some of the keepers came around to answer questions that the zoo-goers may have had, and since I was the only one around I got my own personal Q&A.  I found out that this little gal was born at about 125 lbs, and in four months had gotten up to over 500 lbs.  Can you believe a creature that gains 400 lbs in its first four months of life?  Incredible.  Once she was up and about I got to see her nurse and then start to run all around the pen, playing and testing her limits of how far she could venture away from mamma.

Nursing after a long nap

Exploring

So, thanks Fort Worth Zoo for hosting the run and for giving away free tickets.  I'll be running through you again in a little over a month!

 

Loving Life!

A friend messaged me recently and said, "How are you doing?  Blog has been silent for a while..."  Yes, it sure has.  For a number of reason.  Busyness, exhaustion, nothing to say, too much to say, laziness, and the list continues.  I actually don't have a lot of focus for this post, but I do want to get back into the groove of my every-once-in-a-while Sunday posting.

Things are rolling right along in my world.  Life lately has felt so full of vitality and blessing.  For example, this week has been a whirl-wind, and I have bounced all over the Metroplex, having fun and building on dear friendships.  Wednesday night was a blessing in that some new church friends invited a whole gang of people over to get to know each other over good conversation and venison burgers (very delish!).  What servants they are!  Thursday night I got to go and see the musical "Catch Me if You Can" with one of my favorite people.  Friday I enjoyed exchanging a Christmas gift certificate for a massage (first time: LOVED IT).  Saturday morning I was thrilled to run the Cowtown 10K.  Can I just say I love running in Fort Worth???  I have had this thought so many times over the past months.  I just love this town, and running seems to be the best way to really experience it.  Definitely doing that Cowtown again next year.  Saturday evening found me having dinner and seeing my first NHL game with my dear work family (I just love them all so much!).

But it hasn't just been this week that has been full of blessing.  It has been this season of life.  This whole past year of God asking me to do things, and me following in obedience and watching fruit come about.  This era of becoming intimate with His Word by hiding it in my heart and clinging to it for my life and my emotional stability.  Sure, there have been times of not feeling so great.  This past weekend for example I made a few mistakes that reminded me of my ever present compulsion to make everyone pleased with me and how devastated and judgmental I am towards myself when I feel that is not happening.  It reminded me that I still utterly depend on Him, and that I suffer when I become complacent in my daily investment in my Spiritual health.  But overall, I feel as though things are clicking right along, and I am soaking up every second that God has me in this season, knowing that my "happiness" or "comfort" is not going to always be guaranteed, and that's okay too.

Okay, so there are some general thoughts about what has been going on lately.  Maybe soon I'll get around to posting some other, more specific details about things that are happing in my world.  Until then...

Not about Me

What's that you say?  What's been marinating in my heart the past few weeks?  Well, since you asked, here it is. 

There is a truth that God is trying to pound into my heart.  It's already in my head.  I can recall it and say that it is true in my head.  But the past few weeks have been about letting it seep into my heart.  Here it is:  It's not about me.  This life is not about me. 

I think that every "good" Christian can agree with this truth.  We all know that ultimately life is not about us but about reflecting and bringing glory to God.  But do we live that way out of the conviction of our heart?  I know that I don't very often.

If I was serious about reflecting and glorifying God I would not be so serious about building my own kingdom.  I wouldn't be stuck so often in the "mine" minefield.  My money, my time, my space, my feelings, my heart.  Someone love me.  Someone give me some credit.  Someone tell me I'm doing a good job. 

This past week there have been opportunities for me to be frustrated, weary, a "squeaky wheel."  In these instances I have mostly given in to my flesh and whined away.  But at some point, usually after I'm done whining, God has been gracious to bring me back to the "it's not about the Kingdom of Emily" room and give me some perspective.  And in those moments I am humbled.  I stand in awe of his grace, that though I continually grab for my own credit, He graciously grants me his unending love and offer of reconciliation. 

I KNOW in my head that EVERY good and perfect gift comes from Him.  That every thing that I do that is truly good, selfless or wise comes from Him and is not a result of my naturally sinful state of being.  But my heart is still learning this truth.  I say something out of His wisdom, a friend is encouraged, and I grab for the credit.  But I'm learning that it's not about me.  I'm learning that He is jealous for the credit, not because He doesn't want me to flourish and thrive, but because that is what this earth is about, giving Him credit for His goodness, holiness, grace, wisdom.

I say these things, not because I have arrived, but because it is what He is teaching me, and I am learning.  The process is painfully slow, but I am learning.  

I read something this week that worded this truth a little differently, and I'll share it here.  It comes from a book called When People are Big and God is Small by Edward Welch.  The author is writing about how we humans seem to have all of these psychological "needs" that aren't really needs at all, not God given needs anyway.  We think that we need things because we are trying to be satisfied by making life about ourselves and our needs rather than Him and His kingdom.  I'll leave you with this quote that spoke to me.  May we be those who seek Him and His kingdom first. 

This explains why Christ is sometimes not enough for us.  If I stand before him as a cup waiting to be filled with psychological satisfaction, I will never feel quite full.  Why?  First because my lusts are boundless; by their very nature, they can't be filled.  Second, because Jesus does not intend to satisfy my selfish desires.  Instead, he intends to break the cup of psychological need (lusts), not fill it.

Honoring the Colonel

This week a very dear man passed away.  He was one of my professors while I was at College of the Ozarks, and he made a big impact on my life, even though I only knew him mostly from a distance.  The outpouring of love and fond memories posted via Facebook has been overwhelming, and evidence of a life full of integrity, respect and deep care for others.  Within 24 hours of his death, there had been three separate Facebook pages created to honor him in various ways, and each one of them had over 1000 likes.  In less than 24 hours.  One thing I have noticed and learned in the past few days since this has happened is how much the little things mean to people:  smile a lot; ask how people's day is going, and genuinely care about their answer; remember people's names; treat people with respect; have a sense of humor; be genuine; have integrity; recognize people for service and hard work; pursue excellence in whatever you do.  All of these things wrapped together in one joy-filled, extra caring man is what made him so memorable and special, even if you only had one interaction with him or only knew him from a distance.  

The purpose of one of the Facebook pages is to compile memories to be put into a memorial book for the family.  Participants were asked to share memories, pictures, songs, and poems.  I'll end this post by sharing what I shared on that page:

My favorite memory of the colonel was when it came time to test out of the physical portion of Citizenship class. Despite many warnings that it was very difficult to test out by walking, this non-athlete thought that it was my best bet, so I set off in the late afternoon heat at the best pace my short legs could keep. As the minutes wore on, many of the runners tested out, many others failed or decided it was futile, and before I knew it, I was one of the only ones left on the track. I had almost reached my goal, was almost done, but it was clear that I was becoming very weary, and it was also clear that if I didn't pick it up I would not make it in the allotted time. I will never forget the last half lap, the colonel came out in front of me with his stop watch and started motivating me. "This is how fast you have to walk to make it. Come on!" It gave me the surge that I needed to keep going. I will never forget the pride I felt as I crossed the finish line and the colonel showed me the stop watch, accompanied by that one of a kind smile. I had passed with seconds to spare! I am now about to run my second half-marathon and sometimes when the training gets tough, I remember that afternoon. I remember the pride that I felt when I crossed the finish line and reached my goal, thanks to the encouragement of a professional and caring motivator, and it keeps me running through the finish. I can't wait to meet up with him again in eternity and celebrate the joy of reaching that ultimate and final destination together.