Single Minded

So, I’ve been thinking about this post for a while now.  I have been wondering if I am going to talk about something safe like Memorial Day weekend, or the recent deluge of crummy weather, or if I am going to tackle something a little more serious.  Well, turns out I have some time to write, and this topic has been rolling around in my brain all day, so maybe it’s a sign from God (maybe it’s just on my brain).  Keep in mind that with this post I am probably going to come out of the closet and let many of my friends know that I am now a blogger, so you should all be proud of me for not taking the easy road but instead posting something that is a little more personal.  Okay, are you ready for the topic?  Here it is:  Singleness.  Whew.  I feel better now that it’s out there.  Now we can just jump right in and talk about it openly.  And, if you’re not interested in my thoughts about singleness, then you can just click over to one of about a billion other websites that would probably interest you, like this one.

I will not come out and say that we live in a culture that necessarily elevates marriage over singleness (although I believe this to be true, I’m not going to argue it).  However, I will assert that we live in a culture that is at best uncomfortable with singleness.  I see this in the way that people respond to me (mostly non-verbally) when I tell them that I am not dating anyone.  If you are single and over the age of 25 I can almost guarantee that you have heard the following comment: “Well, now we just need to find you a good man to marry.”  It is as if this magic, “good man,” will complete my life.  I mean, think about the terminology: “I’m going to ‘fix them up.’”  Like if you are single, you are automatically looking for someone to help you repair a hole in your life.

Okay, before we go any further, I want you to know that I am not one of those bitter singles who has to downplay marriage to make my singleness feel better.  I know that marriage is awesome.  I have heard from some reliable sources that it is one of the best things to happen in life.  I have been abundantly blessed to see several thriving, godly marriages being lived out and I hope one day to experience such a marriage.  But that is not what this post is about. 

Let’s clear the air about something else while we’re making things clear.  I am not one of those women who smile and say, “I’m really okay with being single,” when on the inside I’m screaming, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me???”  You can trust that the words that I am typing are true and my heart is pure in this.  I am truly happy with my life right now.  I don’t pretend that my happiness can be attributed to a holy discipline or a closely held secret.  Tranquility like this can only come from God, and I know that my happiness and peace are a gift from Him in the midst of a marriage-focused culture.  I don’t have the spiritual gift of “being happily single,” (I don’t think), but the Holy Spirit has given me the gift of stewardship and I think this has a lot to do with where my heart has fallen on this issue.  I don’t see marriage as a gift that I am waiting for, I see this time of singleness right now as the gift God has given me, and I pray that God would show me how to steward this time well.  It is the “talent” that God has given, and I do not want to be the lazy servant who buries it in the ground until He comes to give me something different.

Okay, lets talk reality now.  I do struggle with lonely feelings sometimes.  Let’s be real, married or single, who doesn’t struggle with this sometimes?  What sustains me through such times is an understanding of what my heart is truly longing for in those moments.  The quick cure for loneliness is a man.  The lasting cure for loneliness is an abiding relationship with Christ.  I don’t think that marriage will be the “be all end all” of a loneliness problem.  I know women who are married who drink far more often and far more deeply from the cup of loneliness than I ever will.

In the past couple of years I have embraced this time of being single as an opportunity that many of my friends have never experienced.  That is, an opportunity to draw close to God in a unique way because of my singleness.  I know wonderful, godly amazing women who are married and who diligently turn to God and seek His face in all things at all times.  I also know that without this time of being single, I could never hope to become one of these women.  I know my heart.  I know its tendency to turn toward mankind in times of trouble.  I know that I lean toward tangible and not spiritual solutions far more often than I would like to admit.  I’m not saying that because of my singleness I practice perfectly the discipline of turning to Him first.  I just know that I practice it much more often that I ever would have had I been married at an earlier age.

I can’t say for sure if God is calling me to lifelong singleness or to be married.  I know that He’s calling me to singleness for today, and that is enough for me to know.  I also know that if He is preparing me for marriage He is going to have to do some more work in me, as I know I am FAR too selfish to be completely tolerable to a mate right now.  Hopefully He will weed some of that out of my heart if He ever wants me to say, “I do.”  In the meantime, I pray that He continues to make me more devoted to Him every day, that He refines in me the habit of turning to him first and often, and that He continues to bestow on me the gift of peace.